I’m addicted to the song “Death of a Bachelor” by Panic! At The Disco. After My Chemical Romance, now Panic! At The Disco. Help, I’m overwhelmed!
In an interview, Brendon Urie said that the song was inspired by his wife and how he now lived different life. Unfortunately, I can’t find the link to that interview video. In I other words, “Death of a Bachelor” is about change in life.
The greatest change in my life, until now, happens after I entered medical school. It was a big decision that I made myself and I, at some points, screw it up.
If I hadn’t been a medical student, I would have been a civil engineering student. That was my second choice. I guess instead of learning how to examine meningeal signs or reading physiology book, I would discuss how to build a strong yet cost-effective bridge or draw a building structure.
Medical school gives me a lot of stories. Some stories are worth to tell, some are meant to be secret.
I experience failure multiple times in medical school. I even came to the point where I didn’t want to try anymore because I felt my trying was useless.
I procrastinate a lot in medical school. Something that should be taboo considering we have plenty of works to do, material to study, and skill to practice.
I feel frustation many times because I don’t understand some subjects. That frustration can lead to feeling of guilt since I remind myself that one day someone’s life will depend on my knowledge of the subjects.
I got my first depression, too. And if someday I meet a patient with depression who is reluctant to get medical treatment, I think I will understand that patient. Because I know how it feels to be scared of telling others about your depression.
I also had to deal with mental trauma after sexual assault while, at the same time I had to study some medical stuff. It went badly. The trauma won. I couldn’t study well.
However, I have some nice friends in medical school.
They are friends who remind me that happiness and health matter more than good grade. Our knowledge is important but we try to pursue it while keeping our body healthy and our mind sane. We cheer each other when trouble happens. We share gossip, news, and fantasy. We also study and practice OSCE together, in our way.
I don’t know if I would experience these kinds of failure, procrastination, frustration, depression, and friendship had I been a civil engineering student. I can’t even imagine how it would have been if I hadn’t entered medical school.
My “bachelor” version died the day I became a medical student. And I don’t regret it. Well, maybe sometimes.