Talking about Relationship (This Time It’s My Story)

So, I want to talk about my current relationship but I don’t know where to start. Duh.
Let me try…  My boyfriend and I went to the same primary school, same junior high school, and same senior high school. All those 12 years, we didn’t know each other personally. Well, we knew each other’s face and name and that’s it.
We went to different universities in 2012. Then in 2014 we started chatting online and we always had good conversation. 
As time went by, I thought to myself, “Does he flirt with me?” and yes, he flirted and sometimes he had funny pickup lines that I couldn’t help laughing. He still does that. Damn, I smile while writing this. 
However, I hadn’t been interested in relationship for years so I just talked to him casually as a friend. I responded to his pickup line with another joke that often made him felt like, “Aaaaaarrrrggghh!!!” 
I told Lady Slytherin about this. I said, “Well, I guess I could like him if he can continue it long enough.” She asked, “What if he’s tired and he goes finding someone else?” I said, “That’s okay. I’m not ready for a relationship anyway.”
Recently, I found a blog post that described my feeling about him in the beginning here. That post is about potential love. It says, “Have you ever felt a potential love for someone? Like, you don’t actually love them and you know you don’t, but you know you could. You realise that you could easily fall in love with them….”
Back to my story, we once met for a few minutes to lend him my book. I forget when that happened. Months later, in June 2017, we agreed to meet in a book store because where else should I go for a first date (book lover mode: on)? We met another high school friend in that book store and this friend looked at us suspiciously. We greeted him and he looked like he wanted to ask question but he didn’t ask. He was too shocked, probably.
We went out together five times until finally he asked me to be his girlfriend last November. I had the proclivity to avoiding commitment but I thought again, I always enjoyed my time with him and it didn’t hurt to give this relationship a try. He is willing to communicate his thought and opinion. He also lets me do the same. In other words, we’re good for each other so I said yes. 
We’re finally in a relationship after 3 years. Our friends say that’s a long time. Well, it really takes a long time for me to trust someone. It takes me longer to let myself commit to a relationship so that long time is worth spending.
How do I feel about him? He’s different. Back in the past, when I had a crush or fell in love, I felt a little uncomfortable. I have come a long way in the term of loving myself. In the past, I often thought too hard on how to impress the guy I liked. With my boyfriend now, I feel all right. We have our fight, of course, but we talk through it. This is why I was once confused about how I felt because love used to make me uncomfortable.
Now if you ask me whether I love him, I will say yes, I do love him.

Train of Thought: from Irn-Bru to Orange Lipstick

Yesterday, I read a blog post by Joel Sorin entitled “Sail“. That post mentioned Irn-Bru which, after I searched in the internet, is actually a Scottish soft drink. Then I remember something else: dandelion and burdock. How can people come up with good idea to name beverage?

I first heard “dandelion and burdock” from the song “Suck It and See” by Arctic Monkeys. You can watch the official music video, or if you think that video is too sexy then you can watch Alex Turner perform the song in acoustic version, which is also sexy for some people.

The song also has amazing lyrics. I like the lines, “That’s not a skirt girl, that’s a sawn-off shotgun. And I can only hope you’ve got it aimed at me.” Usually I don’t like lyrics with such “dangerous vibe” but those words are well-arranged and unexpected. I just can’t hate it.

Anyway, suck it and see means to try something you have not done before. When was the last time you tried something new? Was it a great deal that you had to pluck up courage? Or was it something simple that you did on impulse?

Asking that question, I then remember myself that I haven’t done anything new recently. Well, I did try to wear matte orange lipstick last Saturday if that counts.

I guess I’ll try to do something new again this Saturday. But what?

Figurative Ship and Some Language Lesson

The prompt today is sail and considering that I don’t have proper knowledge about ship and sailing, I will just write about figurative ship: household.

In Indonesian language there is term “bahtera rumah tangga”. Bahtera means ship, rumah tangga means household. If you understand Indonesian language, you can read this article about the etymology of the phrase.

Usually people use the word “kapal” in Indonesian to talk about the watercraft. The word “bahtera” is rarely used in everyday conversation when you talk about water transportation. So why do we use the word “bahtera” when it comes to figurative ship called household?

The word “kapal” is derived from Tamil word “kappal”. The word “bahtera” is derived from the word “bahitra” in old Javanese, which is a loanword from from Sanskirt word “vahitra”. According to the article I link above, the word “bahtera” is used when talking about figurative ship because Sankirt is used as ritual language so it has more spiritual feeling.

So it is said that being a family and creating household is like being in the same ship. You have to work together so the ship can sail safely. I can’t explain further about it because, like a fan whose ship isn’t canon, my ship hasn’t sailed yet.

Maybe I should enjoy the harbour while getting my ship ready. Then we’ll sail (though I don’t know yet whom this “we” refer to).

Run Away Like It was Yesterday

Some songs can put into certain mood or make you imagine things. This time I want to talk about the song Bulletproof Heart by My Chemical Romance. 

That song cheers me up. However it does more than just cheering up. Everytime I listen to that song, I imagine my girl friend and I run while laughing after doing silly thing. We dash to avoid people shouting at us. 

Beside, that song is indeed about run away. As Gerard Way said before performing that song in Hurricane festival 2011, “There’s nothing wrong with running and never looking back.” I have mixed feeling about what Gerard Way said. The idea of running away sounds good but doesn’t sound right to me. No matter how bad my situation is, I don’t think it’s so bad that I need to run away. I’m not that easy to leave something, either. I don’t even leave an abandoned group chat, duh.

Then I think maybe that “Bulletproof Heart” song is not for me. That song is for people who feel trapped in bad place or bad condition. That song is for people who are stuck with bad people. It’s for those who fight their own demons, or with their dark past. For those kind of people, running away is necessary. It even takes certain kind or courage for them to run away from their situation and save themselves.

Maybe someday that song will mean more than two girls running away after doing silly things. Who knows?

I’m Exhausted

Being a co-assistant in hospital is exhausting and when I’m exhausted, I lose motivation to do things. I can’t even bring myself to review material. It’s also difficult for me to stay awake during lecture (yes, we still have lecture in hospital). I envy my friend who can stay awake during lecture and understand the material. They even have enough energy to discuss it with the residents. Seriously, those friends have no idea how lucky they are.

I’m trying though.

Forgotten List

I often have a lot of idea in my head for my blog post but I don’t write the post right away. I usually make a list of “blog post idea” so that if I have the chance to write something, I will write from that list.

The problem occurs when it has been a long time I haven’t written in my blog then I start blogging again and when I look at the list, I think, “I had this idea? What am I supposed to write?”
After that I usually write about something else that’s not included in the list.

“The Most Asian” Novel: My Experience with the Kite Runner

Few weeks ago, I read the Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini and it was amazing.

I will not spoil much but I will tell about my experience reading it. First, reading this novel in public place was a mistake. I brought the novel during my night’s watch duty in hospital and I had to hold back my tears many times. So I was happy when I could finally read it at home because I could cry ugly tears as I wanted.

Second, this novel is probably “the most Asian” novel I’ve ever read. The “Asian things” come in many forms: Asian pride, parent-and-child relationship, our attitude toward people of different ethnicity or religion, the gender biased norm, marriage, the taboo stuff, etc. Then I realise something: regardless of ethnicity, location, and religion, Asians are Asians. Some proud creatures we are. Well, maybe not all Asians but I live in another part of Asia and I can relate and understand those things.

This is one of my favourite quotes in the book which is also one of “the most Asian” quotes, “Because history isn’t easy to overcome. Neither is religion. In the end, I was a Pashtun and he was a Hazara, I was Sunni and he was Shi’a, and nothing was going to change that. Nothing. But we were kids who had learned to crawl together, and no history, ethnicity, society, or religion was going to change that either.”

I guess those “Asian things”, aside from the story line, are what make me love this novel so much. Because I could relate to it. Because it makes me cry and say, “Yes, right.”

On Sarah Urie and Kindness

In one of my recent posts, I talked about kindness as one of Hufflepuff’s trait. 

I’m a Hufflepuff but I never consider myself a kind or nice person. Some experiences make me think to myself, “Maybe some people don’t deserve my kindness.” So, I confess, I may act nice but I often have “unkind” thought of what I could do when someone do or say unkind things to me. 

One day, I found Sarah Urie’s instagram account. At first I felt something strange. I didn’t know. She did nothing wrong but I felt strange. Later I knew it was because of her bio. Her bio is changed now but when I first saw her instagram, it said, “🐝 kind” Can you view the bee emoji from computer? 

What’s wrong with that bio? Let me tell you, I spent times trying to conceal myself and selecting few people who deserve my kindness then this woman named Sarah said, “Be(e) kind” to my face (well, I face my cell phone so technically she said in to my face online). What?! Who does she think she is, telling people to be kind? She just doesn’t understand the “bitter consequence” of being kind. Maybe she doesn’t understand. Or maybe she understand that some people are horrible but she thinks it’s still important to be kind anyway.

So I think I need to thank Sarah Urie for giving me perspective that it’s all right to be kind. Also, I thank her for giving me idea to write some blog posts (seriously, this is important).

(Internet) Friend of Different Belief

A while ago, I saw a picture in instagram. It’s a picture of Marissa Sitompul and Ria Ricis. In that picture, they pray before meal. They position their hands differently because they have different religions. On that picture, there is a text, “Sahabat, perbedaan yang membuat kita satu.” It means, “Friend, difference is what makes us one.” It’s a nice picture with good message. They praise the same God whom they call differently (some people may say they praise different gods) while still being friends.

I’m a muslim and my close girl friends in real life are all muslims. However, I have one good internet girl friend of different religion. Wait, no. She doesn’t even have religion. She’s an atheist.

I’ve known her for about 7 years. Our friendship is built on weird and sometimes deep conversation. After seeing that instagram picture, I decided to send her a screenshot. I felt strange doing that because we don’t usually send “cute thing”. 

Under the screenshot, I wrote to her, “That’s us? But you don’t pray, I don’t wear hijab, and I don’t lift my hands for prayer before meal. And we’re internet friends.”

At first she didn’t understand. After I explained about the message behind the picture, she said, “I am drinking cognac with pelmeni. And I didn’t lift my hands before the meal.”

I responded, “I don’t either. I drink tea with banana cake.”