In Harry Potter series, boggart is an amortal shape shifting non-being that takes on the form of viewer’s worst fear.
Hermione’s boggart on her third year was Professor McGonagall telling her that she failed all exams. Molly Weasley’s boggart was the dead bodies of her family.
When I was at school, I thought my boggart would be like Hermione’s since I was quite an overachiever. After I entered medical school, I found out that failure in exam was not that scary so I guessed my boggart would be the dead bodies of my family or friends.
Then I was sexually assaulted and I understood what fear was like. It was worse than failure in exam, even worse than losing a loved one. I’m fine with bad grade in university. I can deal with losing a family member or friend quite well. However, sexual assault is different.
There are countless times I regret the assault. It’s irrational, though. I’m the victim but why would I regret? I just can’t help it. I think about “what if” and “I should have” even when I’m fully aware that it was not my fault and I can’t turn back time.
In Harry Potter series, we say “Riddikulus” to combat a boggart. While saying the charm, we need to concentrate on something funny that the boggart will change shape into.
Sadly, everytime I think about those who assaulted me, or any kind of sexual assault, I think about the scene in Game of Thrones where Arya killed Meryn Trant, the cruel knight who was also a pedophile. In that scene, Arya stabbed Meryn Trant several times in his eyes and chest then finally slitted his throat. I sometimes imagine myself doing that to those who assault me but imagination is imagination. I can’t do that. I don’t do such thing.
I haven’t got any idea of something funny to change my boggart into because there is nothing funny about sexual assault.