On the last few days I experienced burnout and worse, it happened when I had to finalise my thesis editing and write scientific article. Worse, the registration for graduation ceremony in June has been opened. Worse, my mom was anxious and she told me to hurry up and finish everything so I could graduate in June.
I don’t really like it when someone tells me to hurry up, especially when I get a bad case of burnout.
That time, I decided to tell my mom, “I can’t think and work quickly like I did when I was at school. Now it’s easy for me to get mentally exhausted and when it happens, I can’t do anything. I just can’t.”
It was relieving to say that. Seriously. Finally I told someone of my family about my mental condition and I felt great. It doesn’t mean that I got better right after I told my mom. And my mom may not take me to psychologist or psychiatrist. I’m just happy from the fact that I finally opened up about my mental condition.
After I said that, my mom answered, “Well, let’s just hope that you can finish it well.” I think she understands.
I told my friend about it and he said, “I guess all you need is emotional support?” That response hit me because I never really cared about emotional support. Maybe because, in my opinion, being in this condition for a long time, I’m used to feeling it alone. Burnout after burnout, sometimes even depression, and I don’t tell my family about how I feel. I often think to myself that I can deal with it alone because that’s how it works for me: burnout or depression comes, I suffer, and it ends then I live normally, after that it comes again, I suffer again then it ends, and the cycle repeats many times.
That day I learned that telling someone about my mental condition doesn’t heal me right but it does make me feel better, even just a bit.